It's not weird, it's just unfamiliar.
The real reason you feel like everyone's watching you.
"Just be yourself."
Terrible advice when you're trying to grow.
Being yourself means staying exactly where you are. Same habits, same comfort zone, same results. But here's what I realised after getting my first haircut in 10 months…
(before people start saying “but you always speak about AUTHENTICITY” yes, true. But authenticity and what people mean when they say “just be yourself” is not the same. You can be authentic while trying to grow. I will talk about it in a different newsletter.)
Let me explain.
The Haircut
This morning, I finally called my barber. I hadn't seen him in nearly 10 months. I decided to let my hair grow long again, just as I had in 2022. I was tired of the same old cut. Now, 10 months later, it’s been growing, a bit…too wild. And after having been in Cologne for the Drake Concert (shoutout to Chris) and thinking that I look like an ’80s rockstar that got lost, I called my barber today.
I showed him a style I'd been thinking about, and within 45 minutes, I looked completely different.
Walking out of that barbershop, I felt like a spotlight was following me.
Everyone's staring. They think it looks weird. They're judging me.
My brain went straight to the negative, as usual. (I know yours does too.)
But then I remembered something I heard this morning in Vinh Giang’s communication course I'm doing. He repeats this over and over:
"It's not weird; it's just unfamiliar."
Big difference.
The Naked Ears Principle
Vinh uses this brilliant concept called "naked ears."
When someone hears your voice for the first time, they have no preconception of how you "usually" sound. If you're trying to speak with more confidence or change your communication style, they won't know it's not your natural way of speaking.
But try that same new voice with your family or friends?
They'll immediately ask, "Why are you talking like that?/ Do you need help?"
The same principle applies to everything new you try:
New way of dressing: They don't know your old wardrobe
New role at work: That first client call has no idea it's your first day
New fitness routine: People at the gym don't know you've never lifted before
New hairstyle: Strangers see you as you are now, not as a "different" version
The people looking at you are essentially blind to your past versions.
The Unfamiliar Framework
Most people think discomfort with change means they're doing something wrong.
Actually, it means you're doing something right.
Here's the framework I've been thinking about:
1. Recognise the Pattern
Everything starts with this. A new thing feels uncomfortable because it breaks your routine. Your brain interprets the unfamiliar as dangerous.
2. Separate the Discomfort
Remind yourself that it’s not weird. Your prior hairstyle was once new and unknown to people. Your new one is just unfamiliar to you.
The discomfort comes from it being unfamiliar, NOT from it being weird.
3. Remember the Naked Ears Principle
New people in your life only see the current you. They have zero context for how you "used to be."
4. Embrace the Unfamiliar
The goal isn't to eliminate discomfort; it's to get comfortable being uncomfortable while you perfect your new approach and it gets familiar.
The Real Fear
We think we're afraid of looking stupid.
Actually, we're afraid of not belonging.
As humans, we want to fit in. But fitting in keeps you exactly where you are. The 1% version of you, the one making moves, trying new things, growing, that version doesn't fit in with the 99% who stay comfortable.
When I started posting YouTube videos in October 2023, nobody was watching, so it felt fine. But the moment I started sharing on Instagram with people who knew me on my private account?
Suddenly, it felt like I was saying, "Look at me, I'm special."
That fear dissipated after somewhere between the 26th and 100th post. Same 500 people seeing it, but I'd become comfortable with the idea that people were seeing me grow.
BUT, if I’m honest. It still feels strange to me. A part of me still feels unsure every time I share something and I know people that know me that might not understand will see it. The difference now is that I still post every time. I feel the feeling, I post, the feeling lingers for 5 minutes and then I’m already on the next task. The same with people who you think will judge your post. They will just see it as a blop of the mindless scrolling activity.
*scroll* “ooh look who posted, haha” *mindless scrolling continues*
Your Unfamiliar Challenge
The discomfort you feel isn't a stop sign; it's a growth signal.
Think about it: What new thing have you been avoiding because it feels "weird"? That new workout routine, speaking up in meetings, posting your ideas online, changing your style?
It's not weird. It's unfamiliar.
And unfamiliar is exactly where the 1% version of you lives.
Which version of you are you choosing today, the familiar one that stays comfortable, or the unfamiliar one that grows?
See you when I see you,
Diogo
PS: My girlfriend loved the haircut when she got home from work. I didn’t tell her I would get it, so it would be either this or I would start looking for a one-person studio.